Yay for Randomness!

I was already asleep from 11 p.m. and the suddenly I woke up around 1.30 a.m. I don't know for sure what's been going on in my head, but I woke up with a really- really random thought. I think about the cast of sinetron "Bidadari". LOL.

This is super random; my mind is kinda screwed up, just like someone said to me in reply to my midnite tweet. But then again, I asked that person, who made a better “Ibu Peri”,  Ayu Azhari or Marini Zumarnis? Yet that person is still answering hahaha. We are the creature of the night that cannot sleep. We would answer any kind of question if it makes us easier to sleep (that’s what I thought).

Anyway, I think the one of the reason that my sleep schedule is kinda screwed up this past few days is because I get too many information on this past few days.

The first reason is not so good news I think. Although it doesn’t affect me directly, but I affect the way I see the world hahaha.

The way you see someone, how do you think you know someone for so long, you thought you should know them well and then one thing happened and you lost your faith to them. *sigh*. I just wished that I will never have to feel the pain that some of my girlfriends are battling right now; a trust issue, especially towards the man who they would spend the rest of their lives with.

Another thing is, I can surely say that, I have no heart to stay in here any longer. I really can’t wait to get home. Maybe I get too excited because I’m going back home on Saturday (for four days only, not for good), and by far, this is the longest record I’ve been away from home: three months. Hahahahaha

I know it sounds lame, you think: “It’s been three months only, how come she’s making such a big deal about it?”. Well, it’s just when your hearts not in there or in something anymore, you can’t force it. It something that cannot be explained, you just feel it yourself.

They say when your feelings are taking control of your life instead of logic, you cannot argue with that. This time, I think I’ve been lead more by my feelings than my logic. But I don’t want to fight with my feelings anymore. I used to hide about the way I feel; this time I want to let people know about how I feel. I’ve learned from the past experience that I’ve been hiding myself for too long, I didn’t want people to know how I feel. But now I want people to know my fears, my insecurities, and my random thoughts in the middle of the night (please don’t take this too extreme). I just want to be more open to life because I know, it feels so good when you talked about your feelings and not afraid to let it show.

U yeah! Who knew waking up in the middle of the night can be such a milestone for a new more open me? YAY!