Yay for Randomness!

I was already asleep from 11 p.m. and the suddenly I woke up around 1.30 a.m. I don't know for sure what's been going on in my head, but I woke up with a really- really random thought. I think about the cast of sinetron "Bidadari". LOL.

This is super random; my mind is kinda screwed up, just like someone said to me in reply to my midnite tweet. But then again, I asked that person, who made a better “Ibu Peri”,  Ayu Azhari or Marini Zumarnis? Yet that person is still answering hahaha. We are the creature of the night that cannot sleep. We would answer any kind of question if it makes us easier to sleep (that’s what I thought).

Anyway, I think the one of the reason that my sleep schedule is kinda screwed up this past few days is because I get too many information on this past few days.

The first reason is not so good news I think. Although it doesn’t affect me directly, but I affect the way I see the world hahaha.

The way you see someone, how do you think you know someone for so long, you thought you should know them well and then one thing happened and you lost your faith to them. *sigh*. I just wished that I will never have to feel the pain that some of my girlfriends are battling right now; a trust issue, especially towards the man who they would spend the rest of their lives with.

Another thing is, I can surely say that, I have no heart to stay in here any longer. I really can’t wait to get home. Maybe I get too excited because I’m going back home on Saturday (for four days only, not for good), and by far, this is the longest record I’ve been away from home: three months. Hahahahaha

I know it sounds lame, you think: “It’s been three months only, how come she’s making such a big deal about it?”. Well, it’s just when your hearts not in there or in something anymore, you can’t force it. It something that cannot be explained, you just feel it yourself.

They say when your feelings are taking control of your life instead of logic, you cannot argue with that. This time, I think I’ve been lead more by my feelings than my logic. But I don’t want to fight with my feelings anymore. I used to hide about the way I feel; this time I want to let people know about how I feel. I’ve learned from the past experience that I’ve been hiding myself for too long, I didn’t want people to know how I feel. But now I want people to know my fears, my insecurities, and my random thoughts in the middle of the night (please don’t take this too extreme). I just want to be more open to life because I know, it feels so good when you talked about your feelings and not afraid to let it show.

U yeah! Who knew waking up in the middle of the night can be such a milestone for a new more open me? YAY!

Alone but not lonely

I was having dinner by myself on Subway last night when I spotted this one girl also eating alone by herself. She was there before I started my meal, and when I left, she’s still there playing with her iphone. Well I was kinda curious how come she stand sitting there alone by herself for more than one hour (cause I”ve been there for like an hour too). As for me, I don’t really enjoy sitting in a public area alone for more than an hour without any purpose.

It’s an inevitable fact that sometimes, we need to be alone by ourselves. Alone is a fact that you have to do things by yourselves. But please don’t confuse the word “alone” with “lonely”. Lonely is a feeling that you are alone in this world with nobody could care and understand about you. I give you an example, you are on dinner with few of your colleagues, you are physically there but you cannot enjoy your surrounding, you’re mind are wandering into so many different places.

Alone is what I mostly do in here in Singapore such as eating out alone. Though it’s very common to see in here that people are eating alone on the kopitiam or restaurant, but still, I think most of us could use some company. But in the end, if there’s no one to accompany us, what do we do? Not eating because of the fear of the look on people when they saw you eating alone? Hahaha. Come on, if I’ve had done that, I would be a model by now. I’ll be skinny from the unnecessary fear of eating out alone.

I also want to point out that it is also very common for us who used to be alone most of the time to feel lonely. My key to avoid this “lonely” feeling is to bring books, play with your phones or whatsoever. Just don’t let your mind telling you that you are lonely. Also always try to talk to somebody about how you’re doing these days to somebody, through phones, letters, email and whatsoever. It does make a difference. You might be alone, but trust me, there’s always someone out there who would care for you and think about you at this very moment J

Adam and Eve

Dear God, 

If I haven’t opened my eyes to see the man who’s about to be my soul mate please open my eyes. But God, there’s this man and woman who I think should be together. I think I’ll prefer You to open their eyes to each other first than me finding my soul mate. I’m sacrificing my personal benefit for their goods. I can see that they are suitable for each other. Please hear my selfless prayer. Thank you God, Amen.

You might think that I was joking around writing my prayer up there. Hahaha. Well of course some of the part was being exaggerated by me (if you know me well enough, you’d know which part). My point is there’s this two people who I think should be together. They both would be cute to be together. When it comes to love, you see it when you see it, but then again, of course, we can only see and hope that they could be together. *sigh*

I cannot write too much about this, because the more that I wrote about it, the more revealing I will be regarding who are those two person. I would like to keep that confidential (unless you’re asking me personally). I believe that some of you already know who these people I’m talking about are. *wink*

I believe that God create an even partner for all of us. Like Eve, created from Adam’s rib. You can see a spoiled wealthy boy marrying another disgustingly rich irresponsible girl. Same goes with a hardworking man marrying a supportive lady to help them both having a better future. I believe that couples were meant to be together. As for a story about a young rich man marrying a very poor girl, I can say that the possibility for it to be real is so little, but yes, nothing is impossible. It still can happen, just by the slightest chance.

In the end, I can only say, let Your plan happen, not mine. Forgive me for forcing my will to be Yours. But God, will You at least consider my selfless thoughts above? :)

School Is (Still) Cool

These past few days I’ve been thinking about the times when I was in school. I couldn’t help to think that, life is much fair when you were in school. They simply grade you based on what you did. Less politic involved. It is purely based on your effort during that exam. Less ass kissing somebody or back stabbing someone (haha I know it sounded harsh).

All of these times when we were in school, did our teacher teach us enough to face this cruel world? My personal opinion is: No, it’s not enough. It will never be enough. The life itself is a continuous journey. A lot of unexpected things could happen just in a snap of finger. Life will teach you more than you can get in school, but it never hurts to feed your soul with great educations. So you are considered lucky to be able to receive a good education.

Then all of sudden, the memories of teachers I had in school keep coming one by one. The most memorable one would be my 5th and 6th grade teacher who told us to write everyday. I couldn’t remember what exactly has she told us, but the point where she said that “writing is good for you”, I can relate to that. Writing soothes me (hahaha), it’s a media to express myself. It’s amazing on how one teacher’s word were planted on my brain and leads me to keep writing until today.

I shared my opinions with some friends about the how happy we were when school and exams were the only things that matter to us. Most of them are agree with me, but they also mention one important point: being a student cannot earn you money. Well.. some student do manage to earn money while studying, as for me, I positively believe that I will have a negative income per month for almost one year during my plan to study in China. But I also believe that you need to have focus on what you’re doing to get the maximal output. So in this time, let me focus on my study first.

Sooo…… this is my way of saying: Let me spend my saving for my study (and holiday) in China. Hahaha. No lah.. I’m being serious when I decided to go back to school. I will cherish every precious moments in school knowing that after school, I need to come back to work (and it’s aint as fun as school). So for all the kids who’d wish that they can quit school, trust me kid: there’s time for everything. Right now you can only grumble when your teacher telling you this and that, but it pays off one day. You’re gonna know how cool it is to stay in school.

Sigh and Smile

The major difference between nowadays kid and my time when I was kid can be seen in this picture:



It's the lack of ability to pose in front of the camera. (FYI: I'm the little girl who looked like very annoyed getting her picture taken. Unlike my sister, who had a cute dress and pose like a model)

I mean, come on, you see that I was so totally unprepared for the camera. Now, compare it to children nowadays, when the camera is pointed at them, they automatically given their best smile and poses. Sometimes they even asked for the result first, then can ask for another shot if they're not satisfied with the picture taken. What about us? (I mean the kids who grew up not with digital camera) I think most of the time, our pictures were taken candidly by our parents and now we can only look back and "sigh" at what we see. hahahaha

Look Good, Feel Good

I remember the first make up kit that I bought with my own money was eyeliner from V.O.V. It got a recommendation from my colleague (a girl of course) to buy that eyeliner. That can be said, as my first encounter with make up haha. It was probably almost three years ago. I was just starting my first job, which of course no necessary daily make up needed, since we’re only doing a back office work anyway, but then these few colleagues were wearing make up to work. Not the heavy make up kind of thing. Just a daily routine such as powder, eyeliner, mascara, and blush on (oh, plus light eye shadow and lip gloss sometimes) and I was just this plain-jane type of girl. I wake up late most of the time, only had five minutes of shower, then showed up in office almost late (hehehe) then my hair were never looked perfect. There’s always the bed-hair look on my head. Haha.

Then one of the girl which were the same age as me, said that I need to somehow “represent my appearance” in a better way. Hahaha. She started to do a simple make up to me and encouraged me to buy some make up kit. And I did. It was first eyeliner, than mascara, then blush on. But still I can say, I’m bad at doing make up. Only the basic I knew.

Then I started to work in Singapore (and gain some extra money – hell yeah we all know how much we earn in Indonesia compare to Singapore) and I started to improve my make up knowledge. I started to know what is “Sephora” – make up paradise, you can get lost inside of it , cannot skip to enter every Watsons store you met and spend some time browsing at the cosmetic section and willing to take a one hour bus ride to buy a cheaper cosmetic products at Johor Baru.

I cannot say that I’m one of the make up junkie girl who buys a lot of products or addicted to some brand. I prefer to buy things based on my daily use. And you can see most of my make up is a drugstore brand hahaha. But yet, still, when today I was cleaning my drawer, I found that I actually have a lot of make up.


Why do I have three different blush on? Three different eye liners, two mascaras, two lip-gloss, and two lipsticks? How many lips and cheeks do I have? Hahahhaa. Let me defend my self (and some other girls in this world), it’s just the way it is. Once you buy a make up kit, you couldn’t stop; you want the different kit and tools to improve your make up skills. Hahahaha. Seriously, I think it’s also kinda addiction to buy make ups. You want to buy the new one again and again.

Well, as long it’s not killing your bank account and it helps you to make you look good, I say: Go for it! Haha. When you look good, you do feel good. Just make sure that you do make up properly and at the right time cause I believe that everyone loves beauty. I wouldn’t hurt to see someone who looks good walking around you right?

Seven Years

I was congratulating my friend on her 25th birthday when she said this: “Thank you, I feel old already”. Then I disagree with her, I told her,” No lah, we were born on the same year, but I still feel young anyway”, this time, I was trying to deny the fact that I AM getting old.

Then she add some more fact: “Yesterday, my friend came to my house with his girlfriend, the girlfriend is 18 years old. Then I thought, ah! Our age is not that much different. Then I started to count, it is SEVEN years difference. That’s a lot of number.”

Still I was trying to humor her (and myself), I said,” The eighteen years old girl eventually will become like us anyway, twenty five”

Then she replied,” and by that time, we’re gonna be THIRTY TWO”

LOL.

This time I cannot reply some more. The thought of me being thirty two scares me. Hahahaha. It is because when I was eighteen, when I was still studying in university somehow I imagined myself would be more “cooler” or “mature” than I am now. I may not be as mature or cool as the one I imagined back then, but I pretty much proud of what I can achieve right now. And of course everything I can get now is only because of His grace. There’s not a single thing in my life that happens without His permission.

Recently I just read the book titled “God Never Blinks” by Regina Brett. I read the Indonesian version; some of the translation is hard to understand in bahasa Indonesia I think. The book is divided in fifty chapters. Each of it had one lesson the writer wants to share with us during her ups and downs in life. We can see that the writer has been through a lot of things in her life. One of my favorite part was her thought about life:

“I used to think that life was hills and valleys – you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountain top, back, and forth. I don’t believe in that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad to be worked on, and no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something to thank God for.”

I may not know what God will guide me for the next seven years. Just like when I was eighteen, I had no idea that I will be right here, sitting on a sofa in Jurong West, Singapore writing about this. It is just so miraculous on how I could get to the point where I am now; almost twenty five and being able to do things that I never dreamed of. I know that He will guide me for the next seven years, and then for many times of seven years as long as He allowed me to. Maybe someday I could also write something, my own story on how amazing His works for me :)