Yay for Randomness!

I was already asleep from 11 p.m. and the suddenly I woke up around 1.30 a.m. I don't know for sure what's been going on in my head, but I woke up with a really- really random thought. I think about the cast of sinetron "Bidadari". LOL.

This is super random; my mind is kinda screwed up, just like someone said to me in reply to my midnite tweet. But then again, I asked that person, who made a better “Ibu Peri”,  Ayu Azhari or Marini Zumarnis? Yet that person is still answering hahaha. We are the creature of the night that cannot sleep. We would answer any kind of question if it makes us easier to sleep (that’s what I thought).

Anyway, I think the one of the reason that my sleep schedule is kinda screwed up this past few days is because I get too many information on this past few days.

The first reason is not so good news I think. Although it doesn’t affect me directly, but I affect the way I see the world hahaha.

The way you see someone, how do you think you know someone for so long, you thought you should know them well and then one thing happened and you lost your faith to them. *sigh*. I just wished that I will never have to feel the pain that some of my girlfriends are battling right now; a trust issue, especially towards the man who they would spend the rest of their lives with.

Another thing is, I can surely say that, I have no heart to stay in here any longer. I really can’t wait to get home. Maybe I get too excited because I’m going back home on Saturday (for four days only, not for good), and by far, this is the longest record I’ve been away from home: three months. Hahahahaha

I know it sounds lame, you think: “It’s been three months only, how come she’s making such a big deal about it?”. Well, it’s just when your hearts not in there or in something anymore, you can’t force it. It something that cannot be explained, you just feel it yourself.

They say when your feelings are taking control of your life instead of logic, you cannot argue with that. This time, I think I’ve been lead more by my feelings than my logic. But I don’t want to fight with my feelings anymore. I used to hide about the way I feel; this time I want to let people know about how I feel. I’ve learned from the past experience that I’ve been hiding myself for too long, I didn’t want people to know how I feel. But now I want people to know my fears, my insecurities, and my random thoughts in the middle of the night (please don’t take this too extreme). I just want to be more open to life because I know, it feels so good when you talked about your feelings and not afraid to let it show.

U yeah! Who knew waking up in the middle of the night can be such a milestone for a new more open me? YAY!

Alone but not lonely

I was having dinner by myself on Subway last night when I spotted this one girl also eating alone by herself. She was there before I started my meal, and when I left, she’s still there playing with her iphone. Well I was kinda curious how come she stand sitting there alone by herself for more than one hour (cause I”ve been there for like an hour too). As for me, I don’t really enjoy sitting in a public area alone for more than an hour without any purpose.

It’s an inevitable fact that sometimes, we need to be alone by ourselves. Alone is a fact that you have to do things by yourselves. But please don’t confuse the word “alone” with “lonely”. Lonely is a feeling that you are alone in this world with nobody could care and understand about you. I give you an example, you are on dinner with few of your colleagues, you are physically there but you cannot enjoy your surrounding, you’re mind are wandering into so many different places.

Alone is what I mostly do in here in Singapore such as eating out alone. Though it’s very common to see in here that people are eating alone on the kopitiam or restaurant, but still, I think most of us could use some company. But in the end, if there’s no one to accompany us, what do we do? Not eating because of the fear of the look on people when they saw you eating alone? Hahaha. Come on, if I’ve had done that, I would be a model by now. I’ll be skinny from the unnecessary fear of eating out alone.

I also want to point out that it is also very common for us who used to be alone most of the time to feel lonely. My key to avoid this “lonely” feeling is to bring books, play with your phones or whatsoever. Just don’t let your mind telling you that you are lonely. Also always try to talk to somebody about how you’re doing these days to somebody, through phones, letters, email and whatsoever. It does make a difference. You might be alone, but trust me, there’s always someone out there who would care for you and think about you at this very moment J

Adam and Eve

Dear God, 

If I haven’t opened my eyes to see the man who’s about to be my soul mate please open my eyes. But God, there’s this man and woman who I think should be together. I think I’ll prefer You to open their eyes to each other first than me finding my soul mate. I’m sacrificing my personal benefit for their goods. I can see that they are suitable for each other. Please hear my selfless prayer. Thank you God, Amen.

You might think that I was joking around writing my prayer up there. Hahaha. Well of course some of the part was being exaggerated by me (if you know me well enough, you’d know which part). My point is there’s this two people who I think should be together. They both would be cute to be together. When it comes to love, you see it when you see it, but then again, of course, we can only see and hope that they could be together. *sigh*

I cannot write too much about this, because the more that I wrote about it, the more revealing I will be regarding who are those two person. I would like to keep that confidential (unless you’re asking me personally). I believe that some of you already know who these people I’m talking about are. *wink*

I believe that God create an even partner for all of us. Like Eve, created from Adam’s rib. You can see a spoiled wealthy boy marrying another disgustingly rich irresponsible girl. Same goes with a hardworking man marrying a supportive lady to help them both having a better future. I believe that couples were meant to be together. As for a story about a young rich man marrying a very poor girl, I can say that the possibility for it to be real is so little, but yes, nothing is impossible. It still can happen, just by the slightest chance.

In the end, I can only say, let Your plan happen, not mine. Forgive me for forcing my will to be Yours. But God, will You at least consider my selfless thoughts above? :)